my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize