In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize