I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She even gives head with a lisp.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
