i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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