just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
