hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
