I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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