Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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