i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
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She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
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I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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