He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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