the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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