she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
