There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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