I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
