How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
