i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There's always time for handjobs
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
