You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
