Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize