ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
