he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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