is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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