I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You smell like stripper and shame
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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