I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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