just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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