he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Sober January is a disaster.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
