Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
