just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
