our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
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