forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
