you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
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Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize