Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
