She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
