I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
