shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
