It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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