so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Watching her eat just hurts me
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
