but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He passed out mid-signature
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
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He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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