9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
