so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
ugly people sure do ruin things
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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