I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
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I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize