i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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