I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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