Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
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Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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