Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just pee around me
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
