Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
