i may or may not be watching the land before time
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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