My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
