Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
