haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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