im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
