'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
