Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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