it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
