i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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