Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
