I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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