on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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