y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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