Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
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