Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
