Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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