The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
