Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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